Depression And Anxiety: If It Defines You, It Defeats You.

Ok, my friends, I dearly hope you will not despise me by the end of this piece.

Please know from the beginning that I am prayerful over this and striving for discernment in every word. I hope to love well and speak truth all at once. I care about you and I hope that comes out clearly.

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” (Proverbs 12:25)

But it you are easily offended. Maybe don’t read this.

Just kidding. You should read it anyway.

It’s important to note that I believe anxiety and depression are very real things. I’m not here to tell you that it’s “just in your head”. In fact, by studying up for this blog, I realized I actually fit the cultural definition of an anxious person myself. And I think it’s important for you to know that. I see the effects of it personally and need only look to scripture to see many a Godly man or woman who dealt with such things. One example would be the story of Naomi who had just lost her husband and both sons:

She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth 1: 20-21)

I don’t know your story. I don’t know what you’ve suffered or been through. I know some have walked paths I can’t begin to comprehend, and I don’t want to seem callous to that fact.

The Bible really is chock full of stories of other people who suffered greatly and wrote about their pain… Job (he has a whole book on it), and David (Psalm 13 for one of many), and Elijah (1 Kings 19) , and Paul (2 Cor 1:8)… I could easily go on. So, before anyone tries to say that I’m denying that anxiety and depression are real struggles, I want to be very clear that this is not the case.

In fact, God gave us emotions and not just happy emotions. We feel as humans, we feel deeply, we feel many things and I believe that’s a blessing. There is a time for everything.

…a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
– Ecclesiastes 3:4

Feeling should cause us to walk in humility, love what is good, despise what is wrong and show empathy for others.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” – Romans 12:15

Feelings and emotions are subject to change, and God is faithful to bring joy to our sorrow when we trust him.

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” – Psalm 30:5b

Feelings are real. Feelings can be a blessing.

But let’s be honest… feelings can also be our downfall. Feelings can deceive, depress, and demotivate us. Before I say anything more, here are a few examples from my random image/quote search. These are very much like the memes and posts I frequently see scattered across social media (I do not personally know anyone who wrote these, so I’m not pointing this at anyone, and the emphasis on these is mine):

“When I’m upset… I shut myself down. I have no motivation for anything. I tell myself that nobody cares even though I know some do. I think about all the negative things I could possibly think of. I give myself all the pain, thinking I deserve it. I’m not sure why I do that, but that’s just how I am.”

“Anxiety is so bad. You can have someone in front of you, telling you, screaming at you, that they love you. You’ll hear it… but that voice in your head is there, telling you, ‘no they don’t, no one does.’ It kills and always wins. No one understands.”

“Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer.” Dorothy Rowe

“Depression makes me feel pain. Depression makes me stupid. Depression makes me feel low. Depression makes me mad. Depression makes me sad. Depression makes me forget the world. Depression makes me tense. Depression makes me lose self-control. Depression makes me hate everyone. Depression makes me think over and over. Depression makes me think wild. Depression makes me feel lonely. Depression makes me worthless. Depression makes me sick.”

“Everything seems to be exhausting me, no matter how much sleep, or how much coffee I drink, or how long I lie down, something inside me seems to have given up. My soul is tired.”

“When depression takes over and I can’t push through it, I have to close my door and shut the world out. It’s the only way I know how to survive.”

“No one wishes to have dark days, sleepless nights, grumpy mornings and this endless dark tunnel with no sign that it ever ends. Depression is not a choice.”

“Having Anxiety in relationships is: Double checking messages to make sure you read them right, getting jealous easily, fear of not being good enough. Fear of being annoying. Fear of being un-attached. Fear of being clingy. Worrying so much you lose sleep. Having nightmares of losing [relationships]. Needing a constant reminder that they love you and are going to stay. Tight hand holding. Cuddles. Personal space. It’s not called being an over protective girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s called having relationship anxiety.”

These are the quotes that ruled my google search on depression and anxiety. And did you notice something? Defeat is written between every line. The feeling that anxiety or depression have complete rule and reign over their helpless victims. There is also, at times, a deep note of selfishness and carelessness toward the feelings of others. Some “symptoms” are actually sinful actions toward yourself or other people, and there is no accountability because it is vindicated by a mental health diagnoses.

These are the things the world is telling us. I’m NOT saying that none of this is true. I’m NOT saying these are not symptoms that we experience…

But here’s what I AM saying… get ready for it: As you can see from these sentiments, and they are PREVALENT, we are living in a culture which, rather than STRUGGLING with depression and anxiety, is quickly embracing the lie that struggling is pointless. It defines you by your struggle. Our culture tells you that you are already defeated because it’s too hard to overcome, and it tells you that the reverberations that come from depression and anxiety are not your fault in any way and you are thusly not accountable for any hurt or offense you may cause. Not to God, not to others, not to anyone. And I see defense for these thoughts scattered across the social media pages of Christians and non-Christians alike.

If you are reading this and are not a follower of Christ, I can’t blame you if you are feeling these things, I really can’t. There is truly no hope for healing from your pain while you try to go it alone and my heart aches for the deep feelings of defeat you must be experiencing. But please know that I can certainly offer hope in Jesus Christ, and I will explain more on that, so, please, read on!

But, if you are reading this and you do consider yourself a Christian, yet you see no problem with the things you’ve just read. If you see your mental health, your anxiety or depression, as something for which there is no hope, if you think it’s “just who you are”, if you think you are not held accountable, if you think you deserve only patience and unending grace, no matter who you hurt or how much your actions offend the one who created you, then, dear friend, you are in a dangerous place. I know that probably sounds harsh, but if we feel there is anything in this world that has us completely defeated, we are not clinging to the only true hope to be found.

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” – 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

So what? Are we supposed to just put on a brave face and act like we have no weaknesses? Are we to act as though this inward battle doesn’t exist? Absolutely not! Acknowledging our weaknesses can be a really good thing! I came across a beautiful quote while I was researching the topic:

“Weakness, with acknowledgement of it, is the fittest seat and subject for God to perfect his strength in: for consciousness of our infirmities drives us out of ourselves to him in whom our strength lies.” – Richard Sibbes

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

So yes, of course we need to acknowledge our struggles. But make sure we keep seeing them as STRUGGLES! I loved this anonymous quote I came across:

“I have depression. But I prefer to say ‘I battle depression’ instead of ‘I suffer with it’. Because depression hits, but I hit back. Battle on.” – Unknown

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.  Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,  and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;  and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication… – Ephesians 6:10-18

God does not leave us defenseless in this struggle.

No matter what lies we have told ourselves regarding this, His truth remains:

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. “(Isaiah 26:3)

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

“The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” (Psalm 9:9)

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah” (Psalm 46:1-3)

Is there any part of you right now that is rolling your eyes because you’ve heard all of those before? I understand… I’ve been there. But still, you need to stop. How dare we, like really, how dare we, act as though the UNCHANGING word of God is somehow negated or defective when it comes to our fleeting feelings. How sad when we stop taking hope in God’s word because we’ve become so defeated and complacent in our own misery.

This is something that so concerns me. I see believer after believer speaking so woefully on this topic and it hurts my heart. Yes, it’s a battle and a struggle, but if you are in Christ, you can truly do all things pertaining to this! True joy and contentment are not some impossibility. Paul clearly says:

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Phil 4:11-13)

Please, don’t abandon the hope that you have. Cling to it with everything in you.

A Word To The Unbeliever:

If you are not a follower of Christ, yet find yourself wading through the deep waters I’ve been describing, please know that there is hope. Our world is truly a dark and sometimes scary place, where the most awful things occur and our feelings take on the weight of it. And it’s because of one thing: sin. Sin is anything that goes against what God has commanded in his word. None of us are capable of following it perfectly, which makes us all sinners. We hurt one another, we compete for the top, we care first for ourselves, we strive simply for survival, and that makes for a hopeless, depressing, anxiety-inducing world. And God is a good judge and he is just. These sins have to be punished. But Jesus, literally the son of God, came in human form and lived PERFECTLY and then, taking on our punishment, died the death that we deserve, and then rose again, defeating death, that we might be restored to God.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ” Ephesians 2:1-8

Maybe you’ve heard this, maybe it’s nothing new. But let me tell you, what I’ve just told you is life itself. What I’ve just told you is the only hope you will ever have. If you feel like you’ve sunk lower than ever before… look up. Jesus Christ has defeated the the darkness that pulls at you, he’s defeated the powers of evil that you fear. He has overcome your greatest fears, your darkest thoughts, your deepest struggles.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” – Jesus Christ

All you need do is see your weakness, your helplessness, your sin for what it is, and turn from it to the one who has overcome all of these, the one who came and died the death you deserve so that you might be freed from the chains that are holding you now. Jesus alone holds the key to freedom from the darkness that weighs so heavy upon you. Find a Bible. Start reading. Seek out a church. Start listening. Have any crazy, Christian friends? Start asking questions.

“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” – Isaiah 55:6

Application:

I don’t want to simply use this topic as a talking point. I hope to leave you with wisdom that I’ve received from others through some of my darkest moments, days, and years.

1. SEARCH YOUR HEART: I’m not saying it’s the entirety of your problems, but we should always be searching our hearts to be sure that we are not causing some of our own issues due to forgetting who God says he is, lacking contentment in where he has placed us, living in bitterness or unforgiveness, or any number of sins that so easily trip us up. And if you are very against doing this, that is not a healthy place to be as Christian, we should always be aware of our own depravity as we navigate a sinful world. (Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24)
2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: No matter where your struggles are stemming from, whether a sin issue, or a real physical/mental/emotional/chemical imbalance, realize that it never excuses behavior. It might offer an explanation, but it is never an excuse. When you hurt someone, ask forgiveness. When you snap, apologize. When you feel as though you want to stay in bed all day and brush off responsibility, beg God for strength. Try to avoid breaking your word or canceling on people, but if you feel you absolutely must, be straight forward and honest, and give people room to not always understand. Your depression and anxiety don’t just effect you, they effect those around you as well, and that matters. Don’t negate the struggles of those who are on this journey with you. Their feelings matter as well. Your problems are your responsibility and no one else. (Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. – Proverbs 28:13 / And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. – Luke 6:31)
3. SEEK COUNCIL/ACCOUNTABILITY: This is so, so important! If you are feeling depressed or anxious, find another strong believer in whom to confide. First, we all feel better when we are able to talk out our feelings, and things make more sense when we are able to say it out loud, but also, we need someone to give us not only a listening ear, (although that is so vital!) but also sound, Biblical advice, as that is our only hope and the only unchanging answer to our struggles. And accountability is so important, a friend to check in on you so you know you aren’t alone, a friend to lovingly tell you when you might be causing pain or hurt, a friend to call you and motivate you to get out of bed in the morning. A friend to council and encourage you in Christ! (Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:6 / For by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory. – Proverbs 24:6)
4. STAY IN THE WORD AND IN PRAYER: If you are not feeding your mind solid, unchanging truth or seeking help from the Author of truth, you will be fighting a losing battle. It will be far from your heart and mind and you will be setting yourself up for defeat. Sharing our hearts with the one who knows and loves us most and hearing him speak to us from his Word is an inexpressible gift and an absolute necessity in the life of every Christian. Start small and grow from there but whatever you do, don’t neglect this. (“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” – Hebrews 4:12 / “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Ephesians 4:6)
5. NEVER GIVE UP: Don’t lose hope, sweet friend. For “I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ“. On your hardest days, cling to the hope that even in your pain, God is our healer, even in the darkness, His word is a lamp to our feet, even in our greatest fear, he has overcome the world. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” You are not alone, you are not forsaken, so press on, sweet friend, press on. Remember that a better day is coming… “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.“ The darkness has not won and never will, so take hope and never, ever give up. (Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. – Romans 5:3-5)

The moment you let your anxiety or depression define you is the moment it will defeat you. It’s so vital to remember that you are a child of God and to view your anxiety and depression as they truly are: a struggle due to a sinful world that will be overcome by God’s grace and strength alone.

So… I’m not doubting that there are days you don’t want to get out of bed. I’m not doubting that sometimes you feel sad, angry, and overwhelmed all at once.

I didn’t write this to question the reality of what you feel. I wrote it to remind you that, no matter how great your anxiety or depression may be, our God is greater still.