PART 2
Ok, so where did we leave off? Oh, yes. I was headed off on an unexpected kayaking adventure with the “boy next door”.
I did double check with my parents, by the way. I mean, my 19 year old self had no business jumping into a 27 year old guy’s pickup truck and heading off down a dirt road to a secluded little pond without my parent’s go ahead.
But anywho, off we went.
I remember it was really fun. We paddled around for quite a while to help me get the hang of things. (I’d borrowed an extra kayak of Derek’s… I’d never kayaked before that day and I’m not sure I’ve done it since.)
At one point we came across a snapping turtle of Biblical proportion. (As in, he might have swam that dam when Jesus walked the earth.) It was probably two feet from head to tail and might have weighed in at about 30 lbs. Anyway, my very masculine companion decided to prove just how much of a country boy he was by reaching out, grabbing it by the tail, heave hoeing it up and pulling it onto his kayak… and I think he might have done it all with one arm. I don’t remember what happened after that but I do remember being freaked out and impressed all at once.
We paddled around some more and talked about life before North Dakota and family and theology. Now, don’t ask me how the conversation got there, but Derek eventually slipped in a question about that ring I wore on my wedding finger. Like, did my boyfriend give me that?
I told him it was my purity ring. (Oh, yes, I was all in with the True Love Waits movement of the 90s and 2,000’s, whoot, whoot!!!)
What he said next totally floored me. Somehow, I’d honestly missed the reason he might have had for asking me if I had a boyfriend. Somehow, I still saw him as my older guy friend who simply saw me as a younger sister of sorts. But this illusion crumbled with his next sentence:
“Wellll….” He said with his deep southern drawl. “I’m sure this won’t come as any kind of surprise to you. I think it might be kinda obvious….”
And then he said it… and I’ll always remember his exact wording… a statement that wrapped up adorable, gentlemanly and redneck all into one brief sentence:
“I’ve kind of takin’ a likin’ to ya.”
(He later told me that this was the most innocent way he could think of to express interest in someone as young as myself… which is really quite respectable and sweet)
I specifically remember that my kayak was faced away from him, because I just stared straight ahead, really glad he couldn’t see my shocked, unsure and panicking expression.
Wait, what?????? My heart was pounding… my mind was racing
I kid you not, y’all. I. did. not. see. it. coming.
That’s what happens when you are awkwardly sprawling in your own immaturity and feelings of inadequacy. You tend to think you’re pretty unlikable and thusly a moment like this sets you back for just a sec.
I’m not sure that I said much of anything for a few seconds. (Poor guy.)
I think maybe I stumbled around and said something about how unsure I’d been about what our friendship had meant up until this point, but I don’t think what I said made a whole lot of sense.
“So, um,” Derek stuttered a bit. “Like, what do you think about all this?”
You wanna know what I said next? First, you should know that I’d tried so hard to handle my own love life in college and things had really gone south. So I had determined after all of that, that I was going to vet any guy who was interested in me through the one man I trusted most.
And so, my super thought out and not so encouraging reply was this:
“You gotta ask my daddy.”
(Now, I’m pretty sure I said it in a much kinder manner and explained my reasoning, but when Derek tells the story, this is all he remembers me saying.)
He seemed to be struggling a bit. “Um, yeah, but like, do you even like me? I mean what do you think about what I said?
I had NO idea what to say. I honestly didn’t know if I did.
“You gotta ask my daddy.” Great line, isn’t it?
“Ok, I understand that, but, I mean, do you even want me to?”
Now, Derek insists I just repeated the same phrase at that point, but I didn’t. I remember just looking at him and saying, “If you want to… I’m ok with it.”
And that was that.
My problem was that I’d never really stopped to think about whether I saw him that way or not. He always seemed out of the realm of possibilities so I’d never really asked myself that question.
But then I had to go home and figure out what I was going to do about that evening. If you remember, I’d asked Derek to go along with my parents and me to the local rodeo… and now it was definitely going to feel much more like a date than a simply bringing a friend along. And to make things even more interesting, my mom was home but my dad was working that day until right before we left for the rodeo. So there was no time to talk to them together about what had happened. (I know that might seem weird but I’ve always told my parents basically everything so it would have felt really strange and secretive not to share this with them.)
So, I went home and broke the news to mom. She listened quietly as I broke down our conversation and where it had eventually led. I waited to see the shock on her face as she told me how crazy it was that my 27 year old friend wanted to take me out.
But maybe she’d lived just a bit more life than me and knew a bit more about the male mind and common signals than I did.
Because she wasn’t the least bit surprised.
She’d basically seen it coming and was waiting for me to catch up.
I was floored. “What??? You knew???”
“Bethany… I know he lives next door, but haven’t you noticed there’s a much quicker way for him to get from his house to his sister’s WITHOUT going through our yard? He’s frequently been taking the long way around whenever you’re outside. Those jalapeños he’s been growing between his yard and ours have gotten more water than they know what to do with.”
And then it hit me. If she knew, how many other people had been suspecting? How was I the last to know???
“Should I disinvite him to the rodeo? Won’t that be like a date or something? I haven’t even talked to dad!”
My mom assured me that all was well, and we could continue with our evening plans and tell my dad after. Derek’s expression of interest hadn’t changed our plans in the least and it would still be a great time.
And it was. I think Derek actually rode with us that night and other than a few winks, smiles, and side glances from him throughout the evening, no one would have known.
Later that night I filled my dad in on my morning and just like mom, he didn’t seem all that shocked. I gave him the heads up that I’d asked Derek to talk with him.
I waited the rest of the weekend out and nothing happened. Then Monday afternoon Derek stopped in at the coffee shop where I worked to ask again about my desire for him to talk to my dad. He said he didn’t mind doing that but he was concerned that I didn’t return his feelings and he didn’t want to go through that if I didn’t. (I can’t say I blame him.) I assured him that I didn’t mind at all if he wanted to go through with it, though I can’t say I had really settled in my mind how I felt about the whole thing.
All I knew was I’d hardly met anyone I felt more comfortable talking with and I knew he loved Jesus… so why not at least give him a chance? I didn’t have a reason not to.
Later that evening I looked out the window of our RV and saw Derek working in his sister’s garden. My dad noticed too.
My mom looked at him, “Do think it might be nice to make it easier on the poor boy and help him along with this?”
My dad looked slightly conflicted and might have had a slight smirk on his face as he said, “I suppose I probably could.”
I watched as he headed out the door and across the yard. This was a first. For me. For my dad. For Derek. And I wasn’t at all sure how it would all go down.
And I’ll tell you what happened… next time! Hehe.
(Note: Sorry for all the details here… I’m journaling this for myself as well as to share and I don’t want to leave out any important plot points!)
My Family Freedom 