So, last week I told the story of how my mom chose life… even when it called for sacrifice.
Well, my mom’s willingness to give of herself didn’t stop when I was born. She continued to give and sacrifice for the many years to follow.
If anyone has created culture in my life, it’s her.
If there is anyone that I think of when I’m trying to discern how to handle a situation, especially as a mother, it’s her.
If there is anyone who’s example I follow more than any other woman’s, it’s hers.
Is it because she was perfect?
No, it’s because she proved in all the years I was growing up that all she really wanted was to love us well, teach us well, and please God in her journey of motherhood.
I believe she succeeded and that’s all I can ask for myself.
It’ll be really hard not to write a complete book on all the ways my mother influenced me, but I’ll try hard.
So, let me tell you today about the culture that Robin Mustian has created in my life.
1. A Culture Of Working At Home
“And so train the young women to love their husbands and children… working at home.” (Titus 2:4)
In case any of y’all think I’m starting a lecture to working mom’s here, I’m not.
I just personally find it invaluable that my mom chose to stay home with my brother and I as children. I’m of the opinion that if a mom can stay home with her children, especially while they are young, it can only do them good.
My mom was a constant source of comfort, of guidance, of friendship, of advice, of beautiful teaching moments as I grew up because we spent every day doing life together.
There were seasons where she worked part time when dad could be home with us or when we were old enough to stay alone, but she only ever worked so much as Sean and I were thriving under the time she was available to us. My mom gave up pursuing a career or making a substantial secondary income so that she could give us the foundation we needed to do life well.
She was our full time snack maker, cleaner upper, question answerer, boo boo fixer, peace maker, and smile causer.
She could have let a whole host of others take those jobs, but instead she chose to take them on herself.
2. A Culture Of Homeschooling WELL
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. (Colossians 3:23)
My mom didn’t actually start off thinking she’d homeschool. I mean, goodness, in the early 90’s homeschooling was only beginning to make its resurgence and it certainly wasn’t a very popular route to take. But God was working on my mom’s heart and by the time my brother was in second grade and I was in kindergarten, my parents brought us home and other than a semester in late elementary, we were homeschooled all the way through high school.
But what I appreciate most about my mom homeschooling us was this: She didn’t just throw a curriculum at us, or try to eek by, hoping we’d gather enough to make it through college one day. If my brother and I thought that being homeschooled was taking the easy way out, we were dead wrong and blessedly so.
My mom took on her homeschooling journey with gusto, discipline, and purpose. She wanted to raise us as well rounded adults and took all the measures to do so.
There was no sleeping in: She was our alarm every morning until she introduced us to the real thing in high school.
There was no doing school in our pjs: We had to be up, dressed, and fed, with teeth and hair brushed by whatever time she set.
There were no random gaps in our school year: My mom wasn’t the type to skip weeks of school because “life got busy”. She was hard pressed to even give us a random day off she hadn’t planned, except for sickness and such. If we wanted Labor Day off to do sleepovers and hang out with our public school friends, we often had to do school on the Saturday before. She’d say, “Well, we took a day off two weeks ago for such and such and they didn’t.”
There was no bumping up our grades or skipping testing: We got what we got and we scored what we scored.
There was no “do it whenever” mentality: Especially in high school, my mom was big on dead lines. She expected our research papers and science projects by a certain date and we could expect a letter grade drop if we were late.
Now, lest I make her out to be some boring, strict, schoolmarm, you should know this: My mom made school fun, workable, flexible, and purposeful. Yes, there were a few unavoidable, boring text books. But my mom did all she could to avoid those.
In math we counted (and ate) M&M’s or cheerios. For science we sang songs, we built, we dissected, and we experimented (I once dissected a very pregnant frog and I’m still a little traumatized by it.). For Bible we had deep discussions and we created our own timelines and genealogies that still stick with me. And for history, forget boring textbooks! We didn’t just study different civilizations… we read historically based novels on the times, we studied their culture, we recreated their art, we dressed like them, we cooked the foods they would have eaten. I always knew what civilization we were studying by the very large stack of related books my mom would have under her arm as we left the local library.
And school wasn’t done at a desk… Our classroom was the kitchen table, the couch, our bedroom, the trampoline, a blanket in the yard. And field trips were innumerable.
And while our book work had to be completed by end of day, there might be a two hour gap in there for a good, meaningful conversation. My mom’s greatest concern was our spiritual health and she always made time for our questions. I remember many a time sitting on the counter in the kitchen talking with my mom on countless topics.
Oh, and socializing was no issue. Sean and I had friends from church, from homeschool group, and from our sports teams. My parents were purposeful that we hang out with other kids and families that were both alike AND different from us, and I think that helped our social skills greatly.
My mom had perhaps the best balance I’ve ever seen of making homeschooling fun but purposeful and flexible but disciplined.
And she did all of this when it wasn’t popular or “in”. I remember all the skepticism she faced for not putting her children into “normal school”. (I can’t imagine what that was like.) And yet, she remained steadfast, knowing God had called her to this, and he would give her what she needed to do it well.
3. A Culture Of Compassion
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
At the age of seven, my brother was diagnosed with epilepsy and he deals with it to this day. His journey has always been an up and down roller coaster and it’s one my mom had to ride over step of the way. He struggled through seizures and the aftermath, as well as side effects from medication and recovering from multiple surgeries. My mom spent many an afternoon sitting in a neurologist’s office trying to understand what the next step would be.
At the age of 13, my neck randomly locked up on me. My shoulder quickly turned into what the doctor’s described as “The shoulder of a 50 year old.” And it simply wouldn’t let go. I would spend the next seven years in and out of pain specialists, chiropractors, physical therapists and even a trip to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. I had to stop doing many of the things I loved as the pain began to spread from my neck, to my shoulder, to my back and down my right leg. By the time I was 20, the joints on the entire right side of my body were debilitatingly swollen and painful. And just as she was with my brother, my mom was there for every step of the journey.
I know there were nights my mom cried herself to sleep over the pain she couldn’t take from us. She often joked that Sean and I never got sick (because we hardly did), but that we had to have all the unexplainable, crazy things. I know she wanted more than anything to fix it, to take it away. But since she couldn’t, she gave us all she had by way of compassion, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and arms to comfort.
I know there were times she was so tired. I know there were times she watched the medical bills wrack up and didn’t know what to do. But she never complained. She let us know we were loved, that she would be there, and that she would do anything she could to help.
4. A Culture Of Honesty
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ… (Ephesians 4:15)
My mom is kind, compassionate, and caring.
But she’s also honest.
My mom was always willing to tell me the hard stuff. My mom was always willing to say the things that I didn’t want to hear but I needed to hear.
I was an attention loving child that would have turned out to be an incredibly self-centered adult if my mom hadn’t been willing to tell me time and again that the world didn’t revolve around me and that other people mattered too.
I was a child who talked non-stop and barely took a breath. And if you think I’m bad now, let me tell you how awful I’d have been as an adult if I didn’t have a mom to remind me that other people have things to say, that a conversation takes two, and that I needed to think before I spoke.
I might have stayed in the “young adult” stage for much longer if my mom hadn’t been honest enough to tell me, a few different times, that I needed to grow up.
I was a hesitant and overly cautious child who would have remained so if my mom hadn’t pushed me to have courage and work hard.
At the time it was painful for me… but now I’m so grateful she was willing to say the difficult things in love.
5. A Culture Of Sanctification
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
Let me be clear for a moment. My mom is awesome. But my mom isn’t perfect.
My mom is a flawed human like everyone else on the planet.
And not only did my mom know she didn’t have it all together… she didn’t pretend to.
I’ve often heard of parents who try to hide their pasts, keep their sins secret, and never admit to their children when they’re wrong. They never argue in front of their kids and they try their best to seem as though they always have the answer.
I’m thankful for a mom who shared her struggles, who told us stories of mistakes she’d made (when it was age appropriate), and who admitted when sometimes she didn’t have the answer. She didn’t glorify her mistakes, but she wanted us to learn from them.
But here’s the best thing: When she flat out messed up right in front of us… when she lost her temper… when she spoke badly of someone… when she said something unkind… when she lacked compassion or understanding.
She apologized.
Without excuse or vindication, she apologized.
She let us know that God had higher standards and she needed his grace and our forgiveness when she failed to meet them.
But this wasn’t just guilt, this was repentance. How do I know?
Because she changed.
Not in a moment. Not overnight. But over time. I saw a true work of sanctification in my mom. I’ve seen beautiful and marked change in her over the years and it’s been such an encouragement to me.
No one does their child any favors by putting on a false persona of perfection. No one shows their children the Gospel if they don’t first show them the need. No one can encourage their children to grow in the Lord if the children don’t see the same growth in their parents.
My mom isn’t perfect… but she’s growing more and more every day. I’m proud of her, I look up to her, and her journey of sanctification gives me hope in the midst of my own daily struggles in front of my children.
Because of my mom’s example… I say sorry to my children.
Because of my mom’s example… I know there is hope for sanctification as I continue on.
Her example has been God’s gift and grace in my life.
Culture Created
I believe the greatest opportunity a woman has to create God honoring culture is in the lives of her own children.
Charles Spurgeon once said:
“Never could it be possible for any man to estimate what he owes to a godly mother.”
I cannot express in words how thankful I am for my mom. And I hope I can encourage myself and all moms that the impact you make on your children is not due to being a “boss mom” or applying the “perfect formula”. It’s due to your willingness to be used by God through your best and worst moments.
My mom created culture by taking on, with a deep passion, her beautiful call to motherhood.
My mom created culture by striving to work at everything with all of her heart.
My mom created a culture of nurturing compassion that every child needs.
My mom created culture by never compromising truth, but speaking it in love.
My mom created culture by teaching us that no method of hers, no wisdom of man, and no formula would make us good, godly people. The Gospel and the gospel alone would be our saving grace and she lived that out by always pointing us to Christ in our struggles and victories. She let us see her journey of sanctification in real time.
My mom carried us, held us, sat with us, and walked with us moment by moment and step by step through our journey of childhood and adolescence.
And now, we have the joy… of rising up and calling her blessed.
Thank you, mom. Thank you so much. You are the absolute best.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
My Family Freedom 