“Ok boys, bye! I love you, I’ll see you when I get home!”
“Wait, Mom, can we watch a movie?”
“Guys, that’s up to Daddy. I have to go, ok?”
“Oh, ok!… But, oh, Mom! Can we– can we have a snack???”
“Ask your Dad! Bye, I love you!
I hurry out the door feeling overwhelmed.
Even when I have an evening away, I’m needed by someone until the moment I step out the door.
Being a mom generally means being needed.
Sun up, to sun down, and after sundown. (Well, for me it’s “Son” up to “Son” down, ha!).
The Mom Things
Now… Dad is great. Don’t get me wrong. They love Dad. Dad’s awesome. Dad plays games, Dad wrestles, Dad tackles and tickles, Dad reads a good bedtime story, Dad’s there to have fun conversations and deep conversations, Dad’s great to chat with and share their day with… (and I ADORE that).
But when it comes to those every hour of the day needs:
A drink, a snack, a treat, a meal, permission for basically anything… comfort during middle of the night sniffles and nightmares, a peacemaker (side taker) in their brotherhood battles… early morning snuggles, afternoon snuggles, bedtime snuggles… if they spill their milk, if they need their booty wiped, their boo boo bandaged, their nose blown, a change of clothes, help with school, sounding out a word, THE TV STOPPED WORKING!!!!
Now these… these are mom things.
Don’t get me wrong. My husband is very glad and very able to help with all of these and he often does… but as far as my boys are concerned, mom is the automatic go-to for whatever they need, whenever they need it.
In moments of crisis, the first word out of their mouths is a very loud and urgent, “Mooooooooooom!”
And it makes complete sense.
That’s my job. That’s why I’m here. That’s what I’ve always wanted to do, actually. Get married, have kids, and spend 20 years (give or take), teaching, raising and loving them well.
An Honest Moment
But can we be real here?
Are there any other mamas out there that just feel so spent by the end of the day?
Forget the end of the day. There are days I’m spent by 7:30 in the morning. There are days I’m not sure I can get up and give it another go. There are days I feel like I have absolutely nothing to give.
Sometimes I hide it well… and sometimes I don’t.
All too often that ever repetitious call of, “Mooooom!” is met with a frustrated, exhausted, “I’m over it” reply of, “Whaaaaat?”
There are honestly times I don’t want to answer at all, because I simply don’t want to be needed. Sometimes I want to complete my thought. I want to finish this project. I need to cook dinner. I need to clean at least one room in the house all at once without interruption. I want a 20 minute cat nap. Sometimes I want to just sit and do nothing for five minutes without having to get up and clean up someone’s mess or break up a fight.
And often, it’s not just someone needing something all the time, it’s multiple someones needing multiple things, all at once. I was recently standing at the kitchen sink with my back turned to three little boys fighting for my attention, each calling out over the other, and I finally just turned, threw my hands in the air, and said, “Would you all just be quiet????!”
Is that the mother I ought to be? No. Is that the mother I am some days? Yes.
Sometimes I just feel drained of compassion, void of wisdom, lacking energy and all out of patience.
Just the other day I told my husband that I’m currently feeling a bit like Bilbo Baggins: “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
There are moments I think to myself: “I just don’t want to be needed.”
The Beautiful Truth
Perhaps I’ve thought that.
But I don’t mean that.
See, these are the moments I need to look past my overwhelmed and very real feelings of fatigue, frustration, and impatience. These are the moments I need to take a step back, pull in a deep breath, whisper a prayer for strength and the ability to refocus on what is true, on what is good and helpful.
So here we go:
Truth #1: We Can’t Do This On Our Own
If I am waking up each morning with the anticipation that I’ll have the patience, joy, and diligence to love my children well and complete the tasks of the day of my own strength… I’ll be in a world of hurt and disappointment by the end of it.
The Lord is our strength. Every ounce of compassion, grace and strength we are given comes directly from him. The ability to meet needs with a joyful heart comes only from the giver of all good things, from our own gracious Heavenly Father.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
If we ever begin to think this sounds cliché, we’ve lost the most important truth we can cling to in our journey of motherhood.
Truth #2: We Were Made For This
God is not setting a task before mothers that he hasn’t given them the ability to fulfill.
Every personality is different, but it seems to me that mothers generally have the God given ability to multi-task and think about a million things at once, because it’s absolutely necessary for survival.
There is a connection between a mother and her child that is unrivaled by just about any other relationship. There is something built into the heart of a mother to nurture, to meet needs, to protect.
We are constantly need meeters because God gave us not only the drive, but also the ability to be just that.
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. (Isaiah 49:15)
So when we get up each day to change another diaper, cook another meal, wipe another nose, and answer 50 million more questions, we can know that we serve a good and wise Creator and we were made for this.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Truth #3: Motherhood Is A Gift
The hard work… the being needed that comes with motherhood is a gift.
And when it comes to the hard days of being the need meeter for our children, we really should ask:
Is there anyone else who I would rather have doing this job than me?
I asked myself that question recently when I had one of my “I don’t want to be needed.” moments. The answer was a resounding no.
I remember holding my firstborn for the very first time. I remember the screaming little boy who calmed the moment they laid him on my chest and he heard my voice telling him everything would be ok. I remember joy flooding my heart as I thought to myself, “I’m that person” for this little boy. “I’m the one he wants”, I thought to myself. “I’m the one he’ll look for across the room. I’m the one who can calm his heart and hold him close.” There was joy in that feeling unlike any other.
Momming is hard and exhausting and seemingly never ending and yet it’s also fulfilling, incredibly beautiful and really so fleeting.
It’s incredibly hard work to meet the every need of these little humans each day, but at the same time, I love being the one that they need, the one that they want. It’s a greater blessing than I can describe.
It’s a gift I want to embrace.
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward. (Psalm 127:3)
And So…
It can be hard to think of others first when we live in a culture that screams self first. It’s hard to remember that part of Godly mothering is selflessness.
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)
And I want to be clear here: there’s nothing wrong with taking a breather, giving yourself a day out, or taking five in the middle of a crazy day to reset your heart and mind. We all need rest and we can’t be needed constantly without a break. It’s not sustainable.
It’s ok to give ourselves grace and to care for our own hearts, souls and bodies so we can care for the hearts, souls and bodies of our little people and be able to meet the needs that will only continue to grow as they do.
But let’s remember to see being needed as the blessing that it is.
Let’s take it as an opportunity to pour ourselves out for someone else and find our strength and inspiration in the One who also poured himself out for us and is the meeter of our every need.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)
My Family Freedom 