Every child should be potty trained by the age of two. Two and half tops if there’s a medical reason or you’re just one of those lackadaisical parents.
It might be hard work, but these are facts.
If your child is coming up on three, isn’t fully potty trained and still running around in a pull up, you should know that I’m hardcore judging you.
Good gracious, stop making excuses and step up your game before your kid is “that kid” that was never supposed to happen…you know, that kid headed to college in diapers.
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Yeah, I’m kidding
I’m totally kidding.
I don’t think any of this.
This will certainly be the farthest thing from a judgmental potty training blog. Quite the opposite actually.
What you’ve just heard is the exaggerated expectation that nearly every new mom seems to place on herself when it comes to potty training. I know I did. I would hear some of my friends say that their little one potty trained super early and the fact that I hadn’t even started on my two year old would bring niggling feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
With my first two boys, I was having another baby right as they hit two and so I’d wait till they were two and a half to let things settle down and then ready or not (I mean that literally), I’d pull out the little potty and the Paw Patrol pull-ups and begin in earnest.
And yet from there, for a good year and a half or more, I fought the potty training battle with each of them. They were both four years old before it truly clicked. Around three they’d really seemed like they got the concept but neither would diligently put it into practice for another year.
For so long they’d shown they COULD use the potty, so why did it take so long for them to finally decide to just DO IT??
If you’d like a glimpse of where I was at… this isn’t the first time I’ve blogged about potty training:
My Unhelpful Potty Training Blog
I’ll never forget the face of my three year old as I looked up to see him forming that telling grimace with a tinge of panic… right in the middle of a crowded, public splash pad.
I tried reward, I tried discipline, I tried not to care, I tried every potty training trick I’d heard of. Nothing worked until the day that they finally decided THEY were ready. And by then I was beat. Exhausted, frustrated, and just done.
So… when time rolled around for boy number three to potty train, I came up with a whole new plan, one that was low stress and actually worked!
And I know every kid and parent are different, so this isn’t some guaranteed method, but from one exhausted mommy to another, I’d like to share it with you.
The Plan: “I’m Not Doin’ It.”
That’s it.
I’ve just bought (what I hope to be) the last pack of Paw Patrol pull ups, and without nearly so many tears, frustration, timers, and blowouts.
Why? How?
Well, to put it frankly, I refused to potty train my third child.
Call it… unpotty training.
I’m not really that sort of laid back parent on any other front.
But in this case, it worked beautifully.
Am I saying everyone should do that?
No.
I’m just sharing with you what worked for me. Previously, when I would be in the thick of potty training, I was honestly just over every “fool proof” remedy other parents were offering me because, for my particular situation, NOTHING seemed to work.
And I know that some of you are absolutely killer potty trainers and get things done in a weekend. I seriously respect you.
But just in case potty training just isn’t your thing and you’re feeling super discouraged, I’d like to offer you the three reasons I chose not to potty train this go round.
#1 More Years Of Momming
When I was a new mom, even when I moved on to two kids, I still allowed potty training expectations and comparisons to get to me. I’d have that one friend that potty trained their little boy at 18 months, or that other friend that potty trained their kid in a weekend. Goodness, I had one friend who literally potty trained from birth. (No joke, apparently that’s a real thing!)
For some reason I can’t even explain, I had it in my brain that the earlier and quicker my child potty trains the better. I’d feel a little embarrassed to have to go change my four year old, or warn a babysitter that there might be an accident. It wasn’t that I didn’t care or I wasn’t trying. It was just taking so long. Much longer than I felt like it was “supposed to”.
But then it hit me… when they DO get to college, (and we’re going to assume they won’t still be in diapers), I absolutely guarantee their professors will not be asking whether they were potty trained at the age of two, three, four or five and then proceed to seat them in potty training order.
The longer I’m a mom, the more I learn to take good advice but also realize that there are certain things that simply don’t matter so much. And it’s my opinion that how young your child potty trains just isn’t one of them.
I’m very serious about discipline and obedience, I’m not all about the “child led” methods that seems to rule so much of parenting these days. I understand that sometimes a child acts out in disobedience when you try to potty train them and I’m condoning that or saying to ignore it.
But there were times I felt I was “provoking my children to anger” by insisting they do something they just weren’t ready for, whether physically or emotionally. And since it’s not a soul issue as to whether they potty trained at two or four, I’d rather not treat it as such.
#2 Monkey See, Monkey Do
My youngest turned three last July and hadn’t even glanced in the direction of the potty. And, unlike my attitude with my other two, I wasn’t the least bit worried.
I was open and honest about the fact that I wasn’t going to formerly “potty train”. And I felt no shame or concern. I’d watched my little guy long enough to know that he wanted desperately to keep up with his big brothers and if they were doing something, he wasn’t far behind. Also they do everything together. Including potty runs. Inside, outside, doesn’t matter. With this being the case, I knew that HE knew what going potty meant and how it was done. I knew the moment he wanted to catch up with his brothers, he would.
And low and behold, a few months past three, he started hating being in a wet diaper and so I asked him what the best remedy for that was. “Going in the potty” was his response, and the rest is history. He’d probably known for awhile but now he was ready. It’s taken about six months total, but letting him lead on it has lowered the stress for both of us.
#3 It Was Best For Us
I am well aware that this isn’t for everyone. As I said, I know there are moms who haven’t been nearly so stressed by potty training and they have well tested methods that have worked for them.
I just know that none of the tried and true formulas seemed to work for us and I was at the end of my rope. I needed another route.
I decided that I would rather have a happy later potty trainer and be a happy mama on the journey then for the both of us to end up frustrated and stressed out. I simply had bigger hills to die on. And look at that… he didn’t end up potty training any later than his brothers (a little earlier, in fact) and we’re both the better for it!
To each their own. This has just been my take away!
Best Of Luck
And so I wish you the best on your potty training journey, whatever it looks like.
In a nutshell, here is the best advice I can give:
Wait or don’t wait… but whatever you do, don’t stress over it.
It’s not worth it and it won’t help a thing.
Do what works best for you and your little human and don’t worry about anyone else.
You got this, mama!
My Family Freedom 