I know this seems like an oxymoron.
Here I am on social media offering parenting advice on why you shouldn’t go to social media for parenting advice.
Ok, yep, that’s fair.
But honestly, I’m not really referring here to well thought out blogs or articles or podcasts. I’m not knocking online parenting advice across the board.
No, my greatest concern and what I want to address today are those short form videos you’ll find on TikTok, Facebook, Youtube, Instagram and anywhere else you can think of.
We’ve all see them, right? The countless little tidbits of advice that make it nearly impossible to sort through what’s honest and what’s satirical, what’s wise and what’s foolish, what’s sensible and what’s just plain crazy.
Influencers from every type of background trying their darnedest to squeeze some life changing nugget of advice into your parenting style in as little as 60 seconds.
Is this wrong? Not necessarily.
Is it the best place to seek out parenting advice? Absolutely not.
And here’s why:
1. It’s Just Not Enough Time
This one is pretty straight forward.
60 seconds or the clips that last all of 3 minutes, generally don’t provide adequate time to offer disclaimers or further (and sometimes needful) explanations.
That can often lead to rash, unclear, or misunderstood advice, no matter the original intention.
I can’t say this across the board, but it’s hard to offer something clear and well thought out in such a short amount of time to such a broad audience.
2. What Works For One Mom…
Ok, we all know this if we stop and think about it for a split second: Every mom is different, as is her parenting style.
Social media is no exception.
While you’re scrolling, you’ll have to sort through the ranting spazzed out moms, the know-it-all moms, the anxious moms, the carefree, hippie, health nut moms, the helicopter moms, the “gentle parenting” moms, the “Mm-mm! Oh, no you didn’t ” moms, and everything else in between. Oh, and also the child psychologists who may or may not actually have children of their own.
Now, I’m not hating here. I think I’ve been a little of all of these moms at some point or another. But most of us tend to settle somewhere and a parenting method that works for one mama might not work so well for another.
Another huge point to be made is how unique each child is created and their needs may vary drastically from their siblings? So, while one suggested method might work for one child, it may not work for another. That influencer doesn’t know your children or their unique and individual needs. They may know the needs of their own children… but they don’t know the needs of yours.
3. It Lacks Grace
I’ve many times come across this one dad who posts videos titled: “How other people parent vs. how I parent”. And needless to say, he portrays himself as (what he considers to be) the perfect parent.
I’ve seen another mom/child psychologist who takes “gentle parenting” to the extreme, tells you to do the same and then accuses parents of traumatizing their children if they dare to disagree with her in the comments.
And because (as I said before) there isn’t enough time to offer disclaimers, influencers really can’t help but to come across as if their way is the only way, whether or not they mean for it to sound that way.
Parenting is a journey of learning both for you and your children. There is nothing wrong with offering or receiving a kind piece of advice, but it needs to be given and received with grace and the realization that no parent has all the answers.
For the Christian, Scripture gives us clear instruction on raising children, while actually offering a lot of liberty and freedom in exact method. We are encouraged to walk humbly along the way, not in arrogance and conceit. And the biggest and most needful gift Scripture offers to parents is the need to give grace to our children and fellow parents, because we’ve been given grace upon grace in Christ.
4. There Are Better Resources
Oh, my word… where do I start?
First off, the Bible. God’s word is tops on the list of parenting resources.
Check out Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21, Proverbs 13:24, Psalm 127:3, Proverbs 29:15-17, Titus 2:7…. and the list goes on!
There are also a whole host of other articles, books, podcasts, and video series one could dig into that would give a much broader and clearer perspective on parenting. It would be a much more productive way to use your free time than 60 second blips on a screen.
Here are a few podcast/resource ideas if you’re interested!
For Moms: https://www.risenmotherhood.com/books
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mom-to-mom-podcast/id1451540724
For Dads: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/021-on-being-fathers-today/id1615221952?i=1000587665958
For Both: https://fierceparenting.com
And lastly, one of my favorite resources in parenting is going to other moms that I already know I respect and getting their take on my struggles or questions. I know so many women in my same stage that have their own messy and beautiful experiences and lessons to offer. Best of all, I know women who have gone before me, who have walked ahead of me, in striving to raise children who will be helpful, hard working, and respectful citizens, will know they are deeply loved, and will serve God with everything. And personally, I’d much rather hear what they have to say than the random parents of TikTok.
5. Maybe It’s Biblical… Maybe It’s Not
And lastly… there’s this.
I’m not going to tear apart every parenting short I’ve ever watched. But when we see these clips flash across our screens, how are we discerning whether the advice offered is worth listening to?
As a Christian, my standard for what’s wise or foolish ought to be the Word of God. But because my brain is often trying to quickly process everything I’m seeing, I often store away bits and pieces of what I’m hearing without really thinking through them with discernment.
If it sounds logical or helpful, I store it away. If I think it sounds silly or I personally disagree, I mentally dump it. But really, I find all kinds of advice, good and bad, making its way into my thoughts when I’m parenting and it’s advice that I never worked through from a solidly Biblical perspective. It all came flying at me so quickly, I simply never had the chance.
As a Christian, God is my good and kind Heavenly Father and I need to test every piece of advice I receive against the Father He is to me. He has given me His Word as a guide and His methods are tested, timeless and absolutely perfect.
So There It Is
If you can’t tell, I’m saying this to me as much as anyone else, maybe more so.
I’ve too many times felt beaten up, confused, or frustrated by the influences of social media… and I work through things by writing them down. Thanks for coming along on the journey.
It was helpful to me.
I hope it’s helpful to you.
My Family Freedom 