A friend of mine, in the thick of mothering toddlers, recently shared a concerning story.
She told me that she’d found herself one day surrounded by a group of older (not “old” just “older”) women and mothers in a small church kitchen, when one of them expressed a sense of feeling expendable. Perhaps she was joking when she said it, but the statement probably holds a sad bit of felt truth for many veteran and experienced mothers these days.
“Young moms don’t need us anymore, they’ve got Google.”
Google. TikTok. Instagram. Facebook. Youtube. Blogs and vlogs. The list goes on.
A Heartbreaking Trend
This story was quite timely, as my friend shared it with me only days after my mother had also expressed her own concern on the same topic.
“I wish young mothers would stop going to social media with all their questions on motherhood. Go to your mother, your grandmother, your sister, a friend, an older woman you know and trust. Someone who knows you and your struggles. Someone who you know will offer you good and Godly advice.”
A disclaimer: I realize there are young Christian women who may not feel they have this kind of support system within their family, even when they desire it. I pray God will provide for you older women in your local church to walk beside you. He knows your needs.
But beyond that, there is, of late, a concerning trend of young mothers who do have a Godly support system in their family, church, or both, but are instead hopping on social media long before it ever crosses their mind for ask the women in their day to day lives for help. (I know… I’ve done it LOTS of times.)
Scripture tells us:
For by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory. (Proverbs 24:6)
It’s not that you’ll never find wise guidance on social media, but you’ll never be sure of the motive, agenda, or goals of the random people offering you advice. It’s definitely more of a gamble than going to women you personally know and trust in the Lord. We are literally preparing for war as there are many physical, spiritual and emotional battles to be fought in our lives as we raise this next generation. We need to prepare for that by being as discerning as possible in where we seek guidance.
I know I’ve been guilty of this at times. And I must ask myself why? Why am I turning to social media before I turn to the Godly women in my life who certainly wouldn’t mind taking a moment after church, a chat over coffee, or a random phone call when I’m at the end of my rope.
4 Possible Reasons
So, why this has become such a popular trend?
It’s Faster
When we know we can hop on our phones, throw out a random question, and have 50 answers in the the next 30 minutes… that sounds far easier and much quicker than stopping to make a phone call or waiting till we can meet up with someone to ask our questions.
It’s Common and Cultural
It’s just become the way of things. My boys will often ask me a question, and when I don’t know the answer, their remedy goes like this: “Just ask your phone!” (Which, of course, can be a really handy tool!) But we don’t really even think about it anymore. In our world, our phones hold the answers to all of our questions and problems, or so we think. And it can be a blessing, for sure. But perhaps it’s also a something of a curse at times.
It’s More Comfortable
I heard an older woman recently say that young women don’t seem to feel like they “need” anything anymore, but that they have already reached the level of knowledge and lived experience as those who have gone before them. And sometimes they think they know even more.
My friend who told me her story mentioned that it’s humbling to look someone in the eyes and ask for advice, admitting you might need help and receive the help given. Far more so than it is to sit behind a screen, skip the human interaction, and scroll past what we don’t like and linger on what we do.
There’s Less Accountability
When we ask our phones, we’re less accountable to follow up questions, or interacting with the advice or counsel given. It’s not so likely that someone will come back and ask how we’re doing, or how things are going. When you seek out purposeful counsel, it feels more serious, more needful to consider what was said, as the topic may resurface at a later time.
What Does Scripture Say?
Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life. (Proverbs 4:13)
Instruction is not something to avoid under the guise of knowing everything (preaching to the choir here) or simply being too busy. We shouldn’t be content with only scrolling for answers, a cheaper version of instruction without accountability, if we have access to a wealth of knowledge from women who have gone before us. Instruction is something that we should seek out. Something life saving and vital to our well being.
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life. (Proverbs 16:31)
Sure, we can receive some instruction from the inter webs, but age is something honored in scripture while simultaneously scoffed at in our current culture, especially online. “Boomer” is a phrase thrown around with the purpose of ignoring anyone of age on social media who offers advice that’s considered passé or outdated. Am I saying the older woman is always right? No. But they have more to offer than we often give them credit for, and the advice and experiences of the older generation are often far less valued than they ought to be according to the word of God.
Older women… are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3-5)
Learning from older women is not just a helpful tip or fun suggestion… it’s a Biblical command. We honor God and follow his Word by seeking out the wisdom and counsel of those who have walked before us. Moms who have been there and done that have an absolute abundance of suggestions on topics of all kinds, whether physical, mental, emotional, financial, or spiritual.
Let’s not waste it.
Conclusion
I’m writing this as a young Christian mother to fellow young Christian mothers.
Is the point of all this to say that Google and all types of social media are evil and unhelpful?
No. As I said before, they can be forms of blessing.
But is it wise and right that we, as a generation of young women, neglect to seek the counsel of older women for the ease and comfortability of simply “asking our phones?”
No. It’s not. In fact, it’s a foolish and dangerous trend.
So, let’s break the trend. Humble ourselves a bit. Take the time and effort to seek out the needful, bountiful, and beautiful thoughts, counsel and advice of the women who have gone before us.
They’ve had many good days and bad days. They’ve been pregnant, they’ve nursed and they’ve formula fed, they’ve changed a million diapers, they’ve stayed up countless nights, they’ve taught babies to crawl, to walk, to run, they’ve stayed home, they’ve gone to work, they’ve homeschooled, sent kids to school, taught, guided, labored, laughed, wept, and loved their way through days that move so slowly and years that fly so quickly.
They’ve learned and grown and been sanctified along the way and they have so much more to offer than many of us young moms can even imagine.
So, let me end by saying: “We need you, older mamas, Google simply won’t do.”
My Family Freedom 