Confessions Of A Mama Who Never was a “Kid Person”

The Struggle is Real

Well, I take that back, the struggle isn’t real for everyone. I remember those girls I grew up with who were always babysitting, nannying, teaching classes at church, and every kid they came into contact with adored them. They’d laugh, play, joke, and entertain every child in the room. They were soooooo good with kids. Then there was me. I kind of just tried to avoid children all together. It wasn’t that I hated kids or anything. I simply wasn’t great with them. They just baffled me. They even scared me a little. They were always in different stages, needing and wanting different things. From the screaming baby, to the snot covered toddler, to the attention needy preschooler, to the loud, rambunctious elementary schooler. Once I got to middle schoolers I was fine. But kids? 10 and under? Not my thing. I’ve never been good at faking it and I honestly didn’t want to. The kids knew I was awkward and kept their distance and so did I. All the while wishing I was like my kid adoring friends…but it just never happened.

Is there anyone else out there like me? If so, this, my dear friend, is for you.

See the funny thing is…I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Never doubted it for a second. And I didn’t just know I wanted to be married and have a few kids…I knew I wanted to stay home with them. Till they were 18. Do that crazy homeschooling thing. This has always been my dream. So I must admit, I wondered how the whole “not being a kid-person” would fit into that life goal.

Then in 2015, my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child! I was unbelievably excited. I didn’t worry too much. Any past trouble I had with relating to children would surely fly out the window the moment I met my bundle of joy!

I Always Heard Love Would Come Naturally

And it did! Love for my three boy blessings was the most natural, crazy, beautiful thing in the world, just like everyone said it would be. I adore my children, no question. And it’s grown my love for other people’s children as well as I’ve grown to understand them better through learning about my own little people.

So, Problem Solved?

At first I thought my troubles were over. They just needed to be fed, changed, clothed, rocked to sleep, and cuddled. Easy peasy. I wondered why I ever thought I would struggle. Now that I had my own, I must be a kid person. Problem solved.

And for awhile, I thought it was enough just to be home. I was home every day, all day with my kids. That was enough, right? They were free to do their thing and I wanted to be free to do mine. I buried myself in all kinds of activities (at church, the gym, with friends), side hustles (I love reselling and creating/selling word art), and, of course, keeping the perfect home. I could do it all! Just had to keep my little guys fed, clean and happy.

But then…all of a sudden, my boys started hitting the stages where they wanted more than food, clothes and cuddles. They wanted me to read to them; Play games with them; Pretend with them; Listen to their long, stumbling, rambling, repetitive stories; They wanted my undivided attention. And they didn’t just want me to listen, they wanted me to respond. On top of that, I realized my oldest was nearing school age…and I planned to be his teacher. The old, familiar uneasiness began to creep back in.

Some Things Never Change

Suddenly it was becoming difficult to juggle it all. And truth be told, when I stopped to think about it, I didn’t want to give up my stuff. I wanted to keep pursuing my ongoing interests, rather than take part in activities that I had honestly never enjoyed previous to having my own kids.

I suddenly realized that in some ways, I was the same person I was those years ago. This still wasn’t my thing. And now I had to figure out what in the world to do about it. I simply couldn’t keep doing it all and do it all well…and that bothered me. My boys needed me and I realized I had two choices: I could continue to hide behind my crazy, busy schedule filled with everything else. Or step out of my comfort zone and start decluttering my life, my schedule, my precious time, and give it to them.

Some Things Must Change

So…after a few months of fighting and telling myself how bad I was going to be at this, or I much I despise playing Uno, making race car noises, or reading a book for the twentieth time, I knew what I had to do. I had to try. I had to set aside some of my strengths and embrace my weakness. I began clearing my days so that they weren’t so busy. I started limiting my projects so that they weren’t so overwhelming. I started making less regular, outside commitments. I started being willing to let the dishes or the laundry wait until “later” (which is seriously really hard for me) . I started making trips to the library for inspiration and a stack of books that I wasn’t sick and tired of reading to the boys. I googled, I YouTubed, I researched. (Don’t judge. I’m bad at this and I need help). I started to play. I started to wrestle. (I’ve got boys, this is life.) I let me beautiful fridge that I’d prided myself in keeping clear, become covered in pieces of scribbled art. I started trying to listen and understand. I tried to ask questions, and offer real answers, rather than replying with one clipped, half-hearted word.

My Discovery

If there are any other mamas like me out there, let me encourage you. You may be sitting there thinking, “I know I need to do this, but I really don’t know how, or it sounds mundane.” Let me tell you, I felt the same…and boy, was I wrong. What I’d thought would be a burden, turned out to be a blessing. What I thought was solely for them, turned out to be for me too. What I thought would be a monotonous search to find something to fill the time, turned into a treasure hunt so worth the time. Is it the easiest thing ever for me? No. Is it worth it? Yes. Yes! See, fellow, struggling mama…I discovered that when we pull away and refuse to try, just because it doesn’t come naturally, there is so much we miss.

We miss how their eyes light up when our little people discover or begin to understand something, when they finally “get it!”

We miss how much they are capable of but aren’t accomplishing simply because we aren’t there to encourage, guide, and give them a loving little push that lets them know they can!

We miss so many smiles, giggles, and belly laughs, because when those moments came to tickle or tease, we were buried in our phones, or finishing an all important project.

We miss the ability to make so many memories, because our present schedule didn’t offer the room to squeeze them in.

We miss the pure joy on their faces when we whole- heartedly give attention or praise for their latest fascination, interest, or accomplishment.

We miss precious, irreplaceable, passing moments that will never come our way again. All because we were too afraid to try.

Dear mama, don’t let the fear of failure, or your own selfish need to control every moment of your day continue to cause you to keep missing these things. Because for too long I did just that. And I can tell you, it wasn’t worth it. I’ve discovered more joy and learned more about my boys these last few months than ever before.

So, this is my story. It’s taken me longer than I wish it had to realize the journey I needed to take. And it’s one I’ve only just begun, with plenty of stumbling along the way and I have way farther to go than I’ve come. I’m hoping maybe some of you will catch on quicker. Maybe you already have littles and you’re struggling just the same way, or you know you want to be a mom but wonder how to get past your struggle to relate to small humans. Take it from a mama who gets it and knows the struggle is real…that first step doesn’t have to be huge. Sit down with them and read a book, color a page, or (as it generally goes in my house), surprise tackle them as they walk by. They’ll love it. Trust me when I say this is a journey worth taking. It starts with one step. One step turns to two…and “kid-person” or not, you might be amazed at all that you’ll learn and how much fun you might actually have. Sweet mama, the work, the side hustles, the dishes, and projects will always be there, that little hand reaching for yours won’t be. So take a gentle hold of it, get over your fear, and put one foot in front of the other. Many blessings on your journey.