“Staying Safe” No Matter The Cost

I was walking through the mall with my three rambunctious little boys. In the midst of a wintery pandemic, it’s the only place I could really take them to burn off energy. My mom came along to help me wrangle them.

As we walked, we were discussing my mom’s inability to go and visit with her elderly father who was unwell. He was in rehab after a sudden heart attack where he’d lost the use of his legs, and was allowed no visitors due to COVID restrictions. She was struggling with it, and I didn’t blame her.

As we talked, situations began racing through my mind of everyone I’d spoken with who has been in similar situations this past year. I thought of my 30 year old brother who suffered a blood clot and a stroke alone and without his wife to be an advocate or a comfort. I thought of his wife, left outside in the parking lot with their two little girls, to await word… unsure if he would live or die or ever be the same. I thought of many who’s loved ones have suffered and even died alone in hospitals with no one by their side (I wished they could have been comforted, I wondered if some might have pulled through if they had been). I thought of nursing homes filled with residents with no outside contact, feeling forgotten and alone, lacking some of the only moments and people that bring them joy at the end of life. I thought of how many pregnant mamas had to go ultrasounds and appointments alone, rejoicing alone, weeping alone, and all the daddies that missed some of the biggest moments in a parent’s life, as if that child in the womb wasn’t just as much his. I thought about the closed doors of churches that are the source of strength and growth to so many. I thought of formerly loud and bustling playgrounds, now empty and silent. I thought of my friends who live alone and have suffered greatly from loneliness and isolation this year. I thought of those with depression and anxiety. I thought of my neighbor in her 60s who expressed her desire to see her daughter and grandkids but they were avoiding her in order to “stay safe”. I thought of children stuck at home in abusive or neglectful situations. I thought about the rise in domestic abuse… the rise in suicides… and the loss of logic, reason, and at times, compassion.

“Mom,” I said. “I think the problem here is a society that has decided that each and every one of us, no matter our circumstance or situation, has only one overriding need… to avoid COVID-19 at ALL COST. Our government, businesses, medical facilities, and very lives have begun to surround the all encompassing need to avoid a virus. It’s been decided that there are no other physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional needs that could possibly be as important and could certainly never be more important than this. Than ‘staying safe’.”

Friends, let me be painstakingly clear, I believe this virus is very real. I have people in my own life who have been heavily touched by it and I am in no way disrespecting or neglecting that fact. I know that cases can range anywhere from my husband’s (who’s symptoms were less than a minor cold), all the way to cases that take the life of their victims. I have a friend who was in ICU and now has a very long way to go to full recovery, if it ever happens. So please don’t dismiss me as someone who’s saying this isn’t real. I know this virus to be very real, and it needs to be respected. We need to take precautions. I’m not taking this moment to argue about social distancing or masks or hand sanitizing. You do you. If you feel safer for it, by all means, social distance, mask up, and germ-x away.

Finding A Balance

One of the things I probably say most is that there is a balance to everything. And, generally speaking, there is. Other than a few exceptions, drastic changes are often not the fix to a problem. If your fridge is running too cold, you don’t turn it to hot, you turn in down. If your tire is flat, you don’t junk the car… you get a new tire. If you find you’re too busy, you don’t quit life altogether, you prioritize. If you are gaining weight, you don’t stop eating (at least you shouldn’t), you simply cut back until you find a healthy balanced diet. We tweak, we make changes, we move this, we try that, until we get it just right.

You see… balance is important. And I think most would agree. But if you look at one of those old fashioned scales you can clearly see that you don’t find a balance by only considering or weighing one item or thing. You must weigh that item against something else, taking into account multiple objects… not just one. Then you have a more rounded perspective, a fully functioning situation, and a fair and just viewpoint.

A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is his delight. (Proverbs 11:1)

And if you call yourself a Christian, you must remember that if fear or a lack of it is causing you to lack reason or throw logic to the wind… you have an issue that needs to be dealt with.

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:5-6)

We need to view COVID with respect to the fact that it’s real and it can be dangerous. If you have the virus, yes, quarantine, stay home, stay safe. Even if you only think you might have it, same thing. God protected the Israelites in the same way, long before “science” was used to figure all this out.

He shall remain unclean as long as he has the disease. He is unclean. He shall live alone. His dwelling shall be outside the camp. (Leviticus 13:46)

I completely understand taking temperatures and being asked about symptoms before entering places where people may be higher risk. We need to respect the feelings and concerns of other people. We need to understand that some are more high risk than others and we’re all dealing with this in our own way according to our own circumstances, I’m not asking that we throw our cares to the wind and act like it’s not part of our reality or disregard the feelings of others.

I Just Have A Few Questions…

When did we decide to leave reason in the dust? When did we decide that the danger of one virus outweighs everything else that makes life good and beautiful? When did we decide that any situation outside of COVID wasn’t deserving of consideration and concern? I came across an article from when the country was really locked down, by a man named David Shaw and it’s still worth considering as lockdowns seem to come and go with the wind:

Stay safe. Stay at home. Stay worried about not getting your chemo. Stay locked up with your abusive husband. Stay still alone at home with the silence. Stay away from your family and friends. Stay safely away from me and cover your face up with a mask. Stay safe or I’ll report you to the authorities. Stay safe and obey the rules and hope one day it will be safe for this to end. Stay safe or you might die. Stay safe or you might kill me. Stay safe even if it kills you. Keep saying stay safe. Stay safe. Stay safe (David Shaw)

When did we decide that doing everything possible to keep us all from one thing that might kill us was worth trading everything else that makes life worth living? Especially when none of us are promised tomorrow, anyway?

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:34)

Don’t we know that there is more to life than living to see tomorrow? Didn’t everyone used to say that we should live EVERY day to the fullest? To live it like it was your last? It wasn’t all that long ago that YOLO (You Only Live Once) was trending so heavily. Carpe diem, right? (If you’re like me, I’ll save you the Google search… that means “seize the day” in Latin).

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? (Luke 12:25)

There are a million and one things that could take any of us on any given day, and for the sake of surviving just one of those million things, we are sacrificing a million more things that could bring so much joy, so much growth, so much beauty to our short lives.

Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. (James 4:14)

Our society is neglecting compassion, reason, and understanding. I mean, there’s plenty of it to go around for those who want to live their lives focused only on COVID, but there isn’t much left for anyone else.

I keep hearing it said that it’s loving people and being Christ to people if we follow every possible precaution because it makes people more comfortable. And I agree that being Christ to everyone in the midst of this is vital… I repeat… EVERYONE. If my being Christ to one person is to social distance, accept a squirt of Purell and wear a mask in their presence, I’ll gladly do it. If my being Christ to another person means having them in my home or going to visit them in theirs, eating with them and accepting a hug before we part ways, unless I have a realistic reason to believe I am a threat to them, I’ll do it. We have to look at being Christ from every angle… not just the one we are most comfortable with.

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. (Matthew 8:34-35)

This sickness is indeed real… but I’m beginning to believe that the cure is taking more joy, more hope, more lives than this virus ever could. Have we thought about the consequences of these actions? Have we counted the cost?

We may keep kids home to keep them safe and send them into a situation that is anything but safe or healthy. We may lockdown every nursing home and hospital room and lose more lives than we ever thought possible simply for the lack of love, advocacy and moral support (I adore and respect our first responders and medical personnel and all they are doing to help, but as anyone knows, family and loved ones are simply different). We may shut down our churches to sustain us physically, ignoring the fact that churches all over the world continue to meet no matter the threat and that scripture calls us to meet, and act surprised when we start to die spiritually. You might not visit grandma to “keep her safe” and she may die from something else before you ever get the chance to say goodbye and she spent those last days alone.

My Story

I mentioned, at the beginning, my mom’s situation with her father.

My grandfather had a heart attack a month ago, he tried so hard to come back from it, but at nearly 90, was unable. He spent days alone at rehab, having no one there to walk with him. He was then readmitted to the hospital. And here’s what gets me. While 25,000 people were allowed to gather in a stadium for the Super Bowl… my grandfather lay alone in a hospital room, and though they’d tested him three times for COVID with negative results each time, family wasn’t allowed. What in the name of all that’s right and good is going on here?

Thankfully, after multiple tests and a couple of days, they finally allowed his family to see him. Then just three days ago… the very day his family was finally allowed to sit with him in the hospital… my grandfather passed away. We were so blessed and grateful that he didn’t have to die alone, but that hasn’t been the case for far too many people.

I’m not saying it’s not heart breaking to lose our elderly to this virus, but our elderly might be suffering more than just about anyone and likely due more to the cure than to the virus itself. My grandfather spent his last year on this earth in full health and basically alone. I tried multiple times to go visit so he could meet his great grandson and restrictions wouldn’t allow for it. Our elderly have limited time as it is and now are often being made to spend their last days in isolation. I understand that nursing homes are hard topics to navigate and there’s only so much we can control, but what really breaks my heart are the elderly that are separated from their families by choice. When loved ones isolate from one another in the name of love… they may come to find that so much precious time was lost.

I mentioned the Super Bowl a moment ago for a reason. I’m not blind and I’m not dumb. I know why some of this is happening. I believe that this very real virus is being used for some very evil purposes by some very wicked people in high places. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do about that. (That’s another blog for another day).

But I’m appealing on a very personal level to you, the reader, because I know you have the best intentions and the deepest love for preserving life. I’m pleading with you, if you have been buying into the idea that surviving COVID trumps every other human need… please reconsider. Please seek a more balanced view. Please count the cost.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

There is One who is bigger than this pandemic and can give us hearts of wisdom in the midst of these difficult days. Yes, we are walking a very dark valley, but, by God’s grace, we can walk it with courage. We can walk it well. We can walk it in love. We can help others as they walk through it. When we pass someone in that valley, we can ask what their need is rather than assuming it, and then strive to meet it. And as we come to the other side of this, we can look back and see the beauty in the sacrificial love we had for each other, the hope we gave one another, the support we offered one another, the empathy, grace and compassion we showed and felt for each other.

Wrapping Up

Stop making your goal to simply “stay safe”. To love isn’t always safe, but it’s always worth it. It’s not always safe but it’s nothing to be afraid of.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18)

And if we continue to try so hard to “stay safe”… to stay alive, we are in danger of losing everything worth living for.

Those are my thoughts for the day. Love you all.