Our Story: The Day I Proposed

PART 9

My heart was pounding as I thought of what to say next.

“So… ok. The first thing you should know is that what I’m about to say has the potential to ruin our friendship.”

That’s a great way to lead in, isn’t it? But it was true.

“Uh… ok.” Came Derek’s very tentative reply. (He later told me he thought I was about to tell him I had a boyfriend and I couldn’t talk to him anymore. Funny part was, I honestly didn’t even know if he was dating anyone at this point.)

“Well…” I started in slowly. “So, I know we’ve been chatting quite a bit in the past couple months and it’s been great to be friends again. I’ve really enjoyed talking more…”

I don’t remember exactly how it went but I know I must have stumbled over every word. Still, Derek didn’t break in or ask questions, he just listened as I rambled on.

I cleared my throat. “God’s done a lot of work on my heart in these past months. He’s brought about some changes in me and how I see, honestly, everything.”

I paused for a moment.

“And when I saw you at Christmas I could see the same thing in you, I saw growth and change and it really encouraged me.”

I rubbed my face, not sure how to say what I really needed to say here.

I went on to tell Derek that in those three days that I had been praying over whether or not to call him, I’d come across a short list I’d written down in college when I realized my emotional love life was a complete mess. “The List” wasn’t a picture of perfection. It had nothing to do with looks or financial status and interests were a sideline issue. It was a list convictions not preferences. I hadn’t looked at the list in quite a long time, and I told Derek my surprise when I suddenly realized that I could have been talking about him when I made the list. The list was literally a description of Derek.

“I want you to know, I think God’s grown us in these past months and he’s opened my eyes to really see you for the first time. God’s changing my heart and feelings toward you and…”

Ok, I thought. I just need to say it… because I fully believe it’s true.

“Derek, I honestly just can’t imagine giving my heart to anyone but you.”

Ok, so it wasn’t exactly a proposal but it was pretty darn close.

I waited to see what Derek would say to all this… but there was silence on the other end. It probably only lasted about 5-10 seconds but it felt like an eternity.

Finally Derek spoke.

“Wow.”

Yep, that was literally all he said.

I was a mess as I tried to escape. “Um, yeah, ya know, I think I’m just gonna hang up now.”

“Wait, no!” Ok, maybe he didn’t hate me. “Um… I’m sorry,” I could hear the shock in his voice. “I’m glad you called, I really am… I just have don’t know what to say right now. I really need to think about this.”

And who could blame him? (He later told me he’d sat there in his living room with his jaw on the floor through this whole unexpected conversation.) I told him I completely understood his need to take some time and we could talk again later.

My parents came back from their walk shortly after I got off the phone.

“So how did it go?” They asked.

I proceeded to tell them everything I’d told Derek.

My dad busted out laughing. “You said what??? You practically proposed to him!”

And that’s how the story has been told ever since. I did the proposing according to both my dad and Derek.

I was encouraged when I received a text from Derek later that night telling me he was really glad about my phone call. He said he wasn’t at all put off by it, he had just been caught off guard. He promised to call me the next night so we could talk through things a bit more.

What Changed?

And he did. He had many questions when we talked the next evening. How had I gone from being so unable to see him as more than a friend to feeling so differently now? What had changed in the last year? How had I changed? How did I think he had changed? I don’t know how long we spent hashing out the ways God had done a work on both of our hearts over the last year and it became clear that even that short period of time had made a big impact on the both of us.

After establishing the fact that we’d both grown and might be more compatible, Derek said something he probably thought would totally freak me out.

“Look,” he said, “I’ve become more and more convicted that dating is no game and I’d really rather not even go there… I mean, we’ve already done that.”

I didn’t even pause. “I agree.”

“You do?” He said.

“Yes.”

“Ok, good.” I could hear his brain churning trying to process what was happening. “I’m gonna ask you a hypothetical question, just so I’m clear…

If I asked you to marry me right now, you’d say yes?”

“Yes.”

Even as I said it, I laughed a little. I generally figure it’s God when I know what I’m doing is a little crazy but the peace surrounding it is so sure. That was this moment. I had no doubt in my mind.

“Oh, wow. Ok then.” Poor Derek was trying so hard to keep up with my insane 180 and I couldn’t blame him.

Over the next 10 days, Derek and I talked almost every day. Nothing was decided. We were talking, and praying, and seeking council. (A good tip for anyone struggling with any decision, big or small.) I hardly ate. I remember my mom saying that Derek would have to give me an answer before I withered away to nothing.

A few times, I wondered what in the world I had just done… I had completely and totally put myself out there to spend my life with a man I’d hardly seen in a year! And yet, I knew… I just knew… this was right. This was what God had been preparing me for. Derek was my person. This was what I wanted.

Making Things Official

The next Saturday morning, Derek called my dad. I thought he was calling him just to talk through things a little more since he’d called just the other day as well.

I’d just come in from shopping with my mom when my phone rang.

“Hey,” Derek’s voice seemed tentative but excited. “So… you and I have done a lot of talking and praying, and I’ve sought some advice from men in my life that I respect, and well… now, this isn’t a proposal, but…”

I held my breath.

“I think we should get married.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and gave the very movie moment, heart felt reply of…

“Ok, great!”

Ha! What do you say in a moment like that? This was pretty unconventional and the movies don’t give you any tips on how to answer the man that isn’t proposing but just said he wants to spend his entire life with you. This was huge!

So basically… we weren’t technically engaged… and yet we picked a date and location for the wedding before we hung up. Funny ole world, isn’t it? Though we were living in ND/MN we decided the best place to get married was North Carolina. With Derek being from there, nearly his whole family would be close by and though I had friends up north, most of my family, not to mention three of my four bridesmaids were from the east coast and south east states. And as to a date, I’d always wanted a fall wedding and it just so happened that October was six months away. Perfect!

Great! A wedding on October 12 in the mountains of North Carolina.

Now all we needed… was an actual ring… and it was his turn to propose.

“Telling” My Grandmother

A couple weeks after this, my parents and I headed down to Florida for my Papa’s 80th birthday. I decided to wait to break the news to my grandparents until I saw them in person.

After the party, I sat down and prepared to fill them in. I couldn’t wait to see the shock on their faces. But see, you need to know something about my Mamaw. I’m pretty sure that woman has a connection with the Lord that just isn’t ordinary. When she prays, it’s like she’s standing right there at the throne with every bit of faith that her prayer will be answered and that answer is always best.

And due to this special relationship with the Lord… good gracious, the woman just knows things.

Before I could finish telling my story, Mamaw was already grinning big.

“I knew it!” She said.

Wanna know what happened next? The woman walked out of the room for a split second and then came back in carrying a crocheted afghan she’d nearly completed.

“When I saw that picture on Facebook of you and Derek back at Christmas, I just knew. I said to myself, God is doing a work there. I need to start their wedding gift. Here it is and I’ll have finished before you head home tomorrow.”

Let’s just say… if I’d had any doubt up to this point that God was at work here. That ended it.

Telling My Friends

I’m afraid none of my friends were quite as insightful as my grandmother. I felt a wee bit insane as I informed my closest friends, one by one, of my secret engagement. They were all happy for me, but it took a bit to catch up with the fact that their friend had gone from very single to very engaged in one fell swoop. They were super supportive though, and I loved them for it. I think my friend Jamie, who was there the night my parents told me Derek was coming to town, might have had the biggest laugh of all.

Waiting for it…

But even after all this, Derek would have to actually come and propose at some point. I knew he was planning a trip for the second weekend of April. I was worried about how awkward it would all feel. We both knew he was coming to propose… there was really no mystery or surprise in it and that honestly bummed me out a little. (I’m a HUGE fan of surprises, spontaneity and the unexpected.)

Oh well, I thought, it is what it is. I’m getting married to my best friend and that’s all that matters.

A few more weeks passed.

Derek was coming on a Friday.

It was the Thursday before. I’d spent my morning at a new kind of physical therapy that I was really excited about. My pain was still a big issue and these doctors actually seemed excited to get me moving around rather than lying around as my other specialist had instructed and I was excited to see where it led. (There’s a point to me telling you that.)

Anyway, that afternoon I went over to visit with my friend, Michelle. We talked wedding plans and my upcoming weekend with my “almost” fiancé whom I’d only seen once in nearly a year.

I left her house as it got on toward evening to go pick up my mom from work. I pulled up to the courthouse where she worked and as she got in the car she asked me if we could run by our local Barnes & Noble bookstore on the way home.

Now, this seemed a bit strange to me. See, my mom is somewhat akin to a homing pigeon when she gets off of work. It’s got to be something really important if it’s going to keep her from heading straight home when she’s done working for the day.

“What for?” I asked.

“Well, one of my co-workers was telling me about this really great book on resumes that I should look at.”

The subject matter didn’t seem too random as I knew she was considering changing jobs… but my mom is the farthest thing from an impulsive buyer, so it seemed a little strange to me.

Still, I’m not the most suspicious human, plus I love both books and coffee, so swinging by Barnes & Noble was no bother to me at all.

Right before we got out of the car, mom informed me that she would be heading toward the back of the store to locate her resume book. She said she needed a new crossword puzzle book and wondered if could go find that section and grab one for her.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I’m pretty sure you could get one at Walmart for less than half of what you’ll pay for it here.” My mom is super thrifty and not given to ever spending more than necessary.

“Oh, I hear they’re having a great sale!” She smiled and hopped out of the car.

Once again, strange, but I tend not to overthink things, so I followed her inside.

My mom headed off to find her new book and I looked around for a moment trying to locate the crossword puzzles.

Found them! There was quite the selection and I stood there for a few moments trying to sort through them all and decide what mom might like best. As I was trying to figure out why in the world mom didn’t just come pick one herself, I felt someone staring at me.

I threw a quick, nonchalant glance over my shoulder. Yep, there was definitely a big dude standing at the end of the aisle staring at me with absolutely no shame.

Just as I was preparing to look back and check-face the creep, in that split second, my brain replayed the previous scene and I realized who it was staring at me.

I turned again to see Derek Hixson standing there staring at me with that big ole heart warming grin.

(Don’t hate me, y’all, I’ve gone on long enough for today and I don’t want to rush this moment. The last and final piece [PART 10] will come by end of week as promised!)