She Created Culture: The Beauty Of An Open Door

“Where did you get your ideas for designing your living room?” my soon to be married friend asked me from across our dinner table. “I’m trying to collect some ideas!”

The question caught me by surprise. It’s not a question I’d often been asked. I’m not the best at knowing what’s “in” or updating my decor to keep up with the latest trends. In fact, I generally seem to stay a few steps behind.

“Ummm…” I had to think for a moment as I looked over at my very thrown together living room. I stared at my dark brown couches, ugly patterned sitting chairs we’d picked up for free that happened to match our color scheme, second hand end tables, and off white (almost tan) walls covered mostly in a few of my botched art pieces. It was far from Pinterest worthy, Joanna Gaines inspired, or like anything you’d find in a Better Homes & Gardens magazine.

“I’ll be honest,” I said, “I have no idea. It’s all been kind of pieced together without any real rhyme or reason. I don’t really know what my style is.” I laughed a little.

“Oh, ok!” My friend gave a smile, “I was just wondering because whenever I walk into your living room it always feels so warm and welcoming.”

My eyes widened at the compliment.

I might’ve wanted to cry right there.

Really??? I thought.

See, that might sound like such a simple statement, but in that moment my friend had no idea that what she’d just affirmed that I’d met a life goal and I hadn’t even realized I had.

What life goal is that?

It was the goal of making people feel at home in my home.

It was a goal largely inspired by a woman named Mary Crawford.

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The Gift Of Hospitality

See, although it freaks some people out a little bit, ALL Christians have a Biblical call to hospitality to some degree:

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. (Romans 12:13)

But this simply doesn’t come easily to everyone… we all know that for some people, maybe for you, having company can be stressful. Some people need plenty of advance and lots of time to prepare before having anyone in their home. And when they do have company it’s well planned out and generally has that beginning and end mark.

And there is nothing wrong that.

Some people have to work a little harder at answering the call to hospitality, while another Biblical call might come easier to them… and that’s totally ok. We all have our things we thrive at and some things we don’t. For some, welcoming company into their home just once a month is what they can handle and I fully believe that there are times when consistency and quality matter most.

But we also know that there are some people who are simply gifted in the practice of hospitality…

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: (1 Peter 4:9-10)

Today, I’d like to tell about just such a person. Someone who seems to have a knack for going with the flow, keeping an open door, and never minding a loud, bustling house.

My Mama Mary

I first met Mama Mary, as I would come to affectionately call her, at the age of 12, but didn’t know her well until my family started attending her church when I was about 15. I quickly struck up a friendship with her daughter, Christina. My parents became fast friends with Mary and her husband Greg and so our families frequently spent time together in each other homes.

When Christina and I started hanging out a lot, Christina was a 11 and I was 16. Mama Mary’s trust in my newly licensed self to take Christina along with me in running errands, reffing soccer games, doing Bible studies together and making many trips to Sonic was bolstering to me from the start. Mama Mary’s confidence in me meant a lot and along with that trust came her treating me as part of the family.

The years went on and our families grew closer, but it wasn’t until my parents moved from Mississippi to Montana to church plant when I was 18 that I really began to cling to the Crawford’s as a second family of sorts. I was very close with my parents and needed a couple to help fill that space with them so far away. (Plus… as much as I thought of myself as an “adult” back then… I was still getting there.)

And it was at that point that I began to truly notice and appreciate Mama Mary’s knack for hospitality. I noticed there always seemed to be someone outside the immediate family coming and going from the Crawford house… some even lived with them for short periods of time. I was really struck by this and there are a few things I learned about hospitality during that precious time that I’ve taken with me to this day:

1. Hospitality Is Love Extended

The Crawford home is a place I’ve always felt loved. Incredibly loved. There’s something about hospitality and the willingness of a person or family to invite you into “their space” that speaks love loudly. When someone wants you in their home, into the only place they call their own… it shows a level of of generosity, kindness and acceptance that’s hard to rival.

Perhaps that’s why I was so inspired to learn and extend hospitality. We’re called by God to love our neighbor and the stranger among us… what better way could there be than to open the door and welcome them in to the place you’re most comfortable… where you have the most to offer.

You never know the impact hospitality might have on a person.

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Hebrews 13:2)

2. Not Company… Family

When I entered the Crawford’s house, I was immediately expected to make myself at home.

Literally.

I remember after I’d been over a few times, Mama Mary asked if I wanted something to drink, and I said, “Sure, thanks!” She laughed a bit and said in her sweet southern accent, “Well, you know where the glasses are, don’tcha? Go grab somethin’.”

Mama Mary wasn’t being inhospitable by any means… in fact she was being the exact opposite. She was telling me that I was home, that I wasn’t a guest, and just like her own children, I was free to go into the kitchen and get whatever I wanted.

I wasn’t company, I was family.

3. “Cleanliness Is Not Next To Godliness”

I noticed that, when I would show up for a visit, nothing ever felt hurried or frantic… no one was rushing around trying to “get ready” for company… there were never apologies if things weren’t perfect. As I said before, when you came in, you weren’t “company”, you were family.

I’ll always remember Mama Mary telling me that she began to feel much less stressed about having company when she realized, “Cleanliness IS NOT next to Godliness.” She wasn’t saying that she didn’t care about her home or take the time to clean her house, because she did! But she realized there was much more to making people feel welcome than having a spotless home.

She taught me that atmosphere you create is much more deeply impacted by the condition of your heart toward the person you welcome in than the condition of your home.

The Crawford home isn’t fancy, but it’s homey, warm, and welcoming. It’s not huge, but it’s doors have been open to more people than many mansion’s ever have.

I learned that you can have the nicest house and you can clean and scrub till your fingers are raw, but people truly feeling wanted when they enter your house is what makes them feel at home.

4. “Busy”ness can hinder hospitality

Do you know, I can hardly think of a time where I was told no when I asked to come by the Crawford’s for a visit? I never felt like I had to give much advance or plan ahead. Knowing that I was always welcome, knowing I wasn’t a bother or a nuisance, knowing I was wanted in someone else’s home… it spoke love into my life in a unique way.

Now, sometimes life is busy and that can’t be helped. Sometimes you only have enough of you to go around for your immediate family, and that’s ok. Life is full of seasons that differ from one to the next.

But there’s no getting around the fact that hospitality is much harder to achieve if you’re never home. We live in a society that tells us we have to go, go, go and be on the run 24/7. Still, the fact remains… in order to welcome people into your home on any kind of a regular basis, you have to be there.

Somehow Mama Mary found a way to be schooling four children and be active in her church and the community, and still, she always seemed so… I don’t know… available. And that has stayed with me. I admired her laid back demeanor, and I think it’s what enabled her to have such an open door.

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Culture Created

So, it’s probably obvious, but in “teaching the young women”, Mama Mary taught me the beauty of hospitality. Her kind spirit, generosity, and wide open door spoke volumes to me and inspired me more than she probably knows.

I realize, of course, that guarding family time and not overwhelming yourself with an “open door” is important. I think this looks different for everyone. But whether you have someone in your home once a month, once a week or every day… I think the heart with which you welcome your guests matters more than anything.

I’ve always seen Mama Mary as one of the greatest examples of hospitality I’ve been privileged to experience, and I’ve hoped to emulate that and apply what I’ve learned from her…

So, when my friend made mention of how warm and welcoming our home felt whenever she entered it, I began to hope that maybe God was using that desire for good and bringing about what I’d hoped He would. When Derek and I left Minnesota a few months ago, most of our friends said that what they appreciated and would miss most were all the memories made in our home… and how welcome they always felt. This has given me hope that maybe others have felt that same love, warmth, and acceptance that I had needed and received when my family had been so far away.

But if they have, I feel I have little to do with it… it was God who gave the desire… and provided an older woman in my life to set that example.

So, thank you, Mama Mary, for using a warm home and an open door to create a beautiful culture.

And having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. (1 Timothy 5:10)