“Are Men Really Stronger?” My Son Asked Me.

“Hey Mom, did you know that when a sea horse has a baby, it’s the BOY sea horse that has the babies???”

We were heading back from Ryan’s soccer practice and something about my oldest knowing he has me all to himself makes for the most interesting conversations. (Or maybe it’s just that it’s the only time I can actually hear him over his brothers hoots and hollers.)

“Really?” I said. “I had no idea! Where did you learn that?”

“It was on Wild Kratts!” (The boy is obsessed.)

“Oh! Well, I don’t know if I knew that.” I paused for a moment… quite sure this conversation and my inquisitive seven year old might lead in an interesting direction.

“Hey mom, wouldn’t it be SO weird if boys had babies and girls were like the stronger ones and stuff???”

See? I wasn’t wrong.

I didn’t skip a beat. “Yes! That really would be SOOOOO weird, bud. Do you know why? God made men and women with a purpose. When it comes to humans, only women get the special job of having babies. He made men to protect and provide for them.”

“Yeah.” I could hear Ryan’s wheels turning. “But, are men, like, really ALWAYS stronger than women? Like, no matter what?”

Ok, now what? Should I regale my son on the very few times that a woman might be stronger or answer this in the more general and honest sense that he probably needed to hear?

“Ryan, men and women are both strong. But God made men physically stronger on purpose. He created them that way. And it’s not so they can use that strength to bully people or to be cruel. It’s so that they can protect and provide for those around them.”

“But,” Ryan seemed insistent, “I was watching this movie the other day where this girl beats up a security guard! She wasn’t big or anything but she walked right up and she was like pow, pow! And he just fell over! Like, she was stronger than him!”

I paused for a second… trying to figure out the best way to approach this one.

“Ok, well buddy… movies aren’t exactly realistic. Except for a few unusual cases, if a woman tries to fight a man, she’s probably going to lose. The movie industry likes to make it look as though men and women are no different physically. But that’s just not the case.”

“But I saw her!”

“I bet you did! And you’re going to keep seeing that in movies, Ryan. We live in a sinful world and it doesn’t like the fact that God made men and women differently and with different roles to play, so they try to flip it around. If people don’t love God, they fight against what he has called them to be and do.”

Ryan was quiet for a moment.

I pulled into the Dollar General parking lot and turned around. I didn’t want Ryan to be confused by what I was trying to say. I wanted to look into his eyes and tell him something I believed he desperately needed to hear.

My son didn’t need to be told that “Women are just like men.” He didn’t need to be told that “We’re all just the same.” He didn’t need to hear the rare cases where a woman might have the physical upper hand (because those instances are rare indeed and there are too many people claiming it’s the norm.) And he certainly didn’t need to be told that women are going to “beat him up”.

He sees and hears those falsehoods everywhere he turns in the world we are living in.

“Ryan, I want you to understand something.” He looked at me and waited. “God made men and women equal and he loves us just the same. But, bud, he did not make us just the same.”

I hoped he was listening and understanding.

“The culture we live in is telling us that women are somehow better and stronger and smarter than men. It’s not true, Ryan. I want you to know that God made men, God made YOU, on purpose. He made you to be strong. To protect. To guide. To provide. To be wise and brave and compassionate and kind and courageous. That’s what mommy and daddy want for you. Our world is telling you to take a step back, but we want you to step up. We want you to be strong. Men are so important, Ryan. And no matter what the world tells you, I hope you’ll never forget that, ok?”

A small grin slid onto Ryan’s face.

“Ok.” he said. Then raised his arm and flexed. “Cause, I DO have big muscles.”

“Yes, you do, bud.” I smiled. “So strong.”

End Note:

This conversation shouldn’t have had to mean so much to me. I should have been able to give my son a quick answer and move on with the evening, because well, the difference between men and women is SUPER OBVIOUS… right? But that’s simply not the world we live in. My son was asking me questions which would be answered very differently by the world around him, and this was an opportunity to encourage my son in who God created him to be, and I simply couldn’t afford to pass it up.

We need to have these conversations. Let’s not allow fear of the world, or the influence of culture, or busy schedules, or complacency to steal away the moments we have to encourage our children to be who God made them to be.

It’s for God’s glory, for their good and it’s so incredibly needful.

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14