Turning 30, Living My Dream, And Yet…

People have lots of feelings when they turn 30, right???

Some people love it, some people hate it.

So, today I just wanted to share three thoughts on turning 30.

1. I Am Immaturely Excited About Turning 30!

Ya know that little kid that’s pushing for the next big age and they act like it’s gonna make their whole world better and they’ll be like WAY cooler when they hit it? They seriously need a t-shirt with their age on it because they’re so excited and telling everyone how old they are? Like, they’re obnoxious about it? And they seem all the more immature talking about how mature they’ll be when they get to such and such an age?

Allow me to introduce you to me turning 30.

Everything I just said… it’s me.

It’s not that I’m always like this. Most times I forget my own birthday till I’m literally right on top of it. Most years since I hit my 20’s I’d have to stop and think if you asked how old I was. I was stuck at 23 for the longest time because it simply didn’t matter! How is 26 at all distinct from 27?

But 30, now… 30! Y’all this is huge!

Why so excited, you might ask?

I’M A REAL ADULT NOW!!!

Come on, let’s be real. We 20 somethings tried desperately hard at adulthood, we really did… But my friends in their 30s? Now, they’re the true adults. They’ve lived enough life to have learned some stuff, but they still seem young and spry. And it’s not that the 30s are the end all… I’m convinced it only get’s better from here! (Goodness, we need a culture that respects and reaches for maturity rather than dreading it!)

Honestly, I’ve also noticed that I’m much more comfortable in my looks, stature, quirks and personality than I’ve ever been before. I’ve kind of learned to change what I can and be ok with the rest of it. There’s a bit of confidence and security that comes with age and I’m not mad about it.

Not to mention that many sources say that adults are literally in their PRIME in their late 20’s early 30’s. We’re not old, y’all… we’ve just arrived!!!

(Older, more mature friends… stop judging me… I told you I’m immaturely excited. 😉 )

Ok, next thing:

2. I’m Living My Dream In My 30’s

If you’d asked me 10 years ago where I wanted to be when I hit 30, in most every sense, this would have been it.

Now, this isn’t the case for everyone, and there’s not a thing wrong with that.

But here’s what I would have said… and to some it might sound simple or old fashioned, but this is me.

I wanted to marry a wonderful man, have beautiful children, serve the Lord and spend my days with them and for them and growing together. I always knew I wanted to stay home, I wanted to homeschool, I wanted to spend each and every day caring for the ones who mean the most to me. It’s not cliche, it’s not a stereotype. It was my main career path. It’s what I wanted. It’s what I still want.

Well, by God’s kindness and grace to me, ten years and eight months ago, God introduced me to the best and most amazing man I know. And the early parts of marriage were great, but I wouldn’t trade where we are now for where we were then.

Here, at 30, I know him better, love him more, and hold a greater appreciation for him than I ever have. As each year passes, as he grows and I grow, I see what a kind, earnest, strong, courageous, hard working, God honoring man he truly is. These are things I glimpsed when we got married, but now see all the clearer.

I like being 30. I like having lived a little more life along side this man… going back to 20 would steal that away. He’s a big part of my dream, and the dream grows in beauty as the years go by.

This great blessing led to the blessing of the three most adorable, crazy, lovable little boys I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. It’s funny, because I’ve never been a “kid person”, but I always knew I wanted children.

The first time I held my first born in my arms, he immediately stopped crying when he heard my voice… and I thought to myself… “I’m THAT person for him.” I’d never been able to comfort a baby and now I was HIS person. I never looked back.

I still have TONS and TONS to learn as a mom, but I wouldn’t go back to my first days of motherhood (other than for a few baby snuggles.) I wouldn’t trade what I learned in my 20’s for anything.

I gave my body to bearing children for those years. It was a gift but it was also incredibly, incredibly exhausting. That stage was beautiful but so is this one. There are no babies, but there are three little boys so ready for adventure and I can’t wait to begin. 30 means I took the time to bring them into the world and now, Lord willing, I will spend my 30’s enjoying their beautiful faces and personalities.

I get be a stay at home mom. I get to homeschool, blog, garden, bake, create, and welcome friends and family into our home at all hours because I’m able to be home to do so. And I love it.

Being 30 means I’ve been doing this at least a few years and I’ve learned a few things regarding all of it. Being 30 means I get to step into a new decade and learn more and grow more. Life is a gift and each new phase one that we shouldn’t take for granted!

3. But Above All…

What I’ve said is true… but lest you think I believe what I’ve listed above is the end all or what brings true happiness, hear me when I say:

Turning 30 will not fix any of my problems.

The excitement of the moment will fade.

Success does not come in the form of “living my dream.”

True confidence is not found in feeling pretty or “comfortable in my own skin.”

My worth does not lie in what I think of myself or what anyone else on this earth thinks of me.

My completeness does not lie in my husband (though he is my greatest earthly companion).

My fulfillment does not lie in my children (though they are my greatest earthly joy).

God’s love for me is not strengthened or weakened by whether or not I’m crushing goals.

All of these things are great things. They are blessings to be thankful for.

But in my 30 years, I’ve discovered this above all else:

No growth, no goal crushing, no achievement, no amount of “self-confidence” , no dream realized, will ever satisfy or satiate that need to know I am eternally loved and there is grace greater than my sin.

The knowing of and resting in these things, this is what gives me peace. This is what brings fulfillment. This is true joy. This is rest.

This is not some stereotypical talking point, it’s a vital truth.

I came to know Christ some 20 years ago… yet I’ve spent way too many seasons relying on my own goodness rather than Christ’s, seeking my own glory rather than God’s, trying to please creature rather than Creator, striving rather than resting, doubting rather than trusting, despising rather than loving, trying to earn grace rather than freely receive it.

It has been a long and hard journey for me to realize that these downfalls will only leave me exhausted and empty.

BUT when I trust and rest in CHRIST’S goodness… HIS ultimate sacrifice… HIS finished work… HIS love from which I can never be separated… HIS grace greater than all my sin… When I remember my debt has been wiped clean and I am right before my Creator…

I can continue to learn, to grow, to be sanctified, not to earn love and grace but because I know I’m loved and forgiven already. (Romans 8)

I find joy in earthly blessings because I remember they are a gift from the giver of all good things. (James 1:17)

I can be courageous because I know who goes before me… I do not walk alone. (Joshua 1:9)

I can be confident, not be cause of who I am but because of WHOSE I am. (Psalm 139:13-15)

I never need to fear “getting old”, knowing grey hair and each breath I take are counted gifts from God. (Proverbs 16:31, Luke 12:6-7)

God’s grace is what makes every hour of every day worth living.

I don’t have tons of “30’s Wisdom” to share just yet… but this is a thing of which I am absolutely sure.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

In Closing

I find that I can’t help but be excited for today.

I wouldn’t turn back the clock if I could. I’m thankful for lessons learned. I’m thankful for blessings given. I’m thankful for trial and struggle… for joy and beautiful moments.

I want to be thankful for every breath God grants.

Here’s to the big 3-0. Let’s do this!

I arise today
Through God’s strength to pilot me;
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me,
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s shield to protect me,
God’s hosts to save me
Afar and anear,
Alone or in a mulitude.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

– St Patrick